Cake, Deposit, Establish

“I establish ground rules to avoid misunderstandings regarding expectations from those who report to me. And you, despite your circumstances, will also be expected to toe the line, so to speak.

“I begin my mornings early and I expect the same of you. Exercise before mealtime encourages the digestion, improves mood, and is vital to overall health.

“You will keep your living conditions clean and orderly. Aside from having your possessions organized, you will not allow yourself to surround yourself with filth. A urinal cake will be provided. Use it. I hope I don’t need to address ‘deposits’.

“Understand, goldfish?”

Language, Desolate, Tower

Emma galloped one her brother’s GI Joes, mounted on a toy unicorn, across the desolate waste to reach the beautiful princess trapped in the evil witch’s tower. However, she slipped, GI Joe flew through the air, knocking her tower down.

“Shit!”, she yelled.

“Language.” HouseBot didn’t tolerate bad language.

Emma decided to be smart. “Language? French!”

Il est important qu'une jeune femme parle correctement.

Emma clapped in delight. “Chinese!”

“艾瑪，你在聽嗎?”

Emma decided to have HouseBot stretch her abilities. “Laotian!”

“இது கடைசியாக உள்ளது. புரிந்து?”

HouseBot held up its hand. “That’s enough for today. Remember - language.”

“Sorry.”

Sincere, Cramp, Slot

Dear Vending Machine Manufacturers,

I would like to file a complaint. As a frequent user of the coin slots in various types of vending machines, I feel it is incumbent upon me to alert you to changes needed in how the machines treat coins.

One of the biggest complaints is the lack of space between coins. We are not sardines! The lack of space leads to uncomfortable cramped conditions. I’ve seen good coins go bad. It’s sad to watch a newly minted coin wear itself thin while waiting to be released from the “coin jail”.

Please fix this!

Sincerely,

Quarter

Tradition, Trophy, Create

“Thanks for coming to the family meeting.”

“Dad, can we make this quick?”

“No Jordon, I can’t make this quick…”

“Great.”

“…because I want to discuss family traditions. Namely our lack of them and my desire to create some. Yes Trina?”

“Can it have unicorns?”

“I… uh…”

“Seriously? Can I go?”

“Jordon, patience. Trina, sorry Sweetie, but…”

“Hey! How about a trophy for the dumbest idea!”

“Jordon! Can you please try to be nice to your sister.”

“Try? Yes. Succeed? It all depends on how much longer this is going to last.”

*Sigh* “Good meeting everyone. Jordan, off you go.”

Horror, Separate, Transit

“Houston, Stage three failed to separate.”

Flight Director Bill Franklin swore loudly and crushed the paper cup in frustration, then swore even more loudly as hot coffee poured over his hand.

An assistant ran up with a handful of paper towels, but Bill waved him away. He yelled to the Chief Engineer, “Can we override the control from here?”

Before he got an answer, klaxons began ringing. “Oh what new horror is this?”

The Chief Engineer yelled back, “Bill! The electronics are fried! We’re neutered here!”

Franklin silently calculated the damage. They’d miss the transit. Could they rescue the crew?

Wisp, Perspective, Crown

He stood erect, proud. This despite the castle, the bastion of power and influence his family had wielded for hundreds of years, was now a pile of ashes. The last wisps of smoke hung low against the ground. What had been his crown was now molten metal.

“Well shit.”

Hesitantly, his chef approached.

“Lord, a million apologies. The grease fire got out of control and…”

The king raised his hand.

“I pride myself on perspective. You didn’t mean to start the fire, therefore you are forgiven.

“Far more importantly - I hope Aunt Beatrice will let me crash in her castle.”

Lab, Tape, Solicit

“Oh honey, you just do not get what’s going on here.”

“Yeah? We have you on tape! Soliciting is a serious offence.”

“Uh huh. That pencil neck geek? He didn’t want sex. Did you actually listen to the tape?”

“You were negotiating a location for your liaison. His lab, I believe?”

“He didn’t want anything illegal! He doesn’t ever want anything like that. He just…”

“Yeah? He what?”

“He likes to play doctor.”

“Yeah? And you’re the patient?”

“No. I’m the receptionist. I force people to wait in “the waiting room” for hours. It’s weird, but he pays well.”

Recede, Cabinet, Sore

The sharp, angry, blinding light that had filled his head for so long began to recede. That light had been attached to pain, searing pain that had enveloped him so fully that there was no single place where he hurt.  All he knew was as that sensation lessened, it had left him shaking and nauseous.

It took a minute to realize he was lying awkwardly on a narrow wooden staircase, a huge cabinet lying on top of him. Ah… right. He’d been carrying it up the stairs and tripped.

His body began to cramp and go cold and sore.

Icon, Vein, Beetle

“It’ll be awe inspiring, instantly recognizable, like VW Beetles and iPhones - something in that vein. Everyone will want one and it’ll be a social symbol. Icons of fashion and culture will encourage their audiences to acquire them.

“It’ll be customizable, with different colours, materials, shapes and sizes, yet maintaining a certain look that enables everyone to know exactly what it is.

“That’s what I want. What else do you need to know?”

“How about some idea of what you want to make?”

“Look - I’ve hired you to help develop my idea! So help develop!”

“How about a watch?”

“Sounds great!”

Settle, Curse, Oblique

“Hey Catfish.”

“Hey Zebrafish.”

“What’s happenin’?”

“Storm creamed visibility. Waitin’ here for things to settle.”

“Nice cave.”

“Thanks.”

“You sure you ain’t hidin’? Dogfish is tellin’ everyone you owe him sand dollars.”

“And you believe that dull-eyed, salivatin’ moron?”

“Nah. I believe the octopus who made an oblique reference to you, a gamblin’ problem, and a certain creditor.”

“It’s a horrible addiction, a curse. But it was a sure bet! A Great White knocked out by a snail? He threw the fight.”

“Nah. It was an Assassin Snail. They’re nasty buggers.”

“A snail? C’mon!”

“Look out - Dogfish is comin’.”

Flower, Horn, Tank

Today, a new fish, a Flowerhorn, entered our aquarium home. Flowerhorns are quite aggressive and so need a tank of their own to live in. While I was off buying said fish, the store built said tank, then delivered him, it, and me to the eagerly awaiting Aleesha.

Chewy making a list of things to bring with him from the pet store.

The tradition with naming animals that come into the house is to “tune in” to their energy and allow the name to essentially come from them.

This fish asked to be called “Puddin’”.

The other rule is that if we don’t like the name, we can choose a different one, like “Chewy”.

Jelly, Monsoon, Knight

Sir Montenegro, a Spanish knight, sat astride a mule, trudging through thick jungle in the middle of a monsoon downpour. He wanted to take off his rusty armour but couldn’t because there was no other way to transport it.

He was lost. His only hope was for the mule to find someone, anyone, who could provide aid. The mule, however, on shaky legs, wasn’t going to last much longer.

One last step, the mule’s front legs collapsed, sending Montenegro rolling head over heels until he crashed into a shack. A toast and jelly eating peasant ran out. “Sir! You’ve arrived!”

Weak, Moth, Pleasure

“I’m weak! I’m an old man and I can’t stand up on my own. If I do manage to get to my feet, I’ll be blown back down by a single moth fart! I have a special inhaler so that I can take enough of a breath to use my regular inhaler. If I were stuck in a wet paper bag, it’d be a prison. My circulation is so sluggish, it’s an insult to slugs. You can actually see dust when I wheeze! It’ll be a pleasure when He finally lets me go. *Cough* Is that my aneurysm blowing?”

Corrode, Kin, Theme

Officer Oliver hiked to the ramshackle cabin, mostly covered by a corroded metal roof. He went alone, hoping to avoid trouble.

Grandpa Morley, patriarch of the Schlutte family, stepped out from the cabin, holding a shotgun. 
“What’cha want?”

“Lookin’ for one of your kin, Shep. He holed up in there?”

“Nah. Haven’t seen’em for months. What’d he do this time?”

“It’s all of a theme with him. Grand Theft. That boy loves nice cars.”

The old man shook his head. “Damn fool. Well, he ain’t here.”

“Uh huh. Do my eyes deceive me or is that a ‘vet parked there?”

Camp, Float, Guest

How Jonathon landed in the grifter trade is a wonderment - good family and solid education leading to being a confidence conman? Preposterous, but true.

How he ended up in a car, camped out in front of a casino with Vince (not his true name) is also a wonderment - Vince was notoriously a lone operator. But there they were, watching the movements of a regular guest to the establishment, looking for ways to pull off their scheme.

During their wait, Vince leaned over to Jonathon. “Mark my words: float over the dirt of reality and make your own. Be like me.”

Joke, Frame, Inquire

“Good afternoon, sir. Welcome to Christie’s auction house. My name is Frederick. I’m here to provide any information you require regarding any item that catches your attention.”

“Hey Fred…”

“Frederick, sir.”

“Fred? I wanna know about that painting by that little queer I-talian fucker.”

“The Caravaggio, sir? Young Sick Bacchus is one of his greatest works. The model was his lover, as was many…”

“Yeah, Fred, that one. Here’s the deal - the frame isn’t to my liking. Who the fuck framed it with that?”

“Is this a joke, sir? The frame was designed by a famous…”

“It sucks Fred!”

Random, Strike, Chop

Gerald Jones, CEO of a toilet paper company and dubbed TreeSlayer by enemies and friends alike, was trying to tamp down a work action. While not a full-scale strike, multiple crews were doing work slowdowns, taking random breaks of various lengths. It was hard to police individually, but company wide it was already affecting the bottom line.

Jones called in new crews but their lack of experience was causing a lot of disruption. Frustrated, he called a meeting with the new crews: he pointed at the forest, then yelled, “Go! Chop Chop! How hard is that?!?”

Apparently quite hard.

Chuck, Probable, Dearth

“Ok people, here’s what we’ve got: on a traffic stop, the patrolman, on probable cause, searched the vehicle and made a large narcotics bust. We got lucky - they had no time to chuck the drugs or ditch the car. Another lucky break: the driver appears to be a fairly high-level dealer with connections to a drug lord.

“This is a break we can’t squander. To date there’s been a dearth of evidence against the top guy. Questions?”

“Any chance someone’ll try to break the perp out?”

“What kind of question is that, Jones?… Hey… does anyone hear gun shots?”

Foot, Underwater, Potent

“My assistant says you have a new Indiana Jones movie idea?”

“It’s called Indiana Jones and the Pearl of Atlantis. It’ll follow the same storyline but…”

“Hang on. One of the fun things in those movies is watching Indie run from hordes of enemies. Are you saying he’ll swim?"

“Well… no… we’ll have…”

“‘Cause I’m not having a lot of shots of feet flapping underwater and bubbles floating all over the place.”

“No… of course not…”

“Well ok then. And of course there will be potent curses he’ll have to stumble into and miraculously survive.”

“…

“The script needs some edits…”

Roast, Inspire, Treat

“Ten minutes, Mr. Dunkin.”

Bob Dunkin was new on the celebrity roast circuit but he wasn’t sure he was up to it. His first go the prior evening had fallen flat, so much so that his fellow comedians hadn’t made fun of him. It’d been that bad.

Dorthy Rosenblatt, 50-year veteran of the circuit, found Bob furiously smoking and knew instantly what was going on. In her gravely voice, she said, “Kid, this one’s being televised. Treat the audience to somethin’ funny. Inspire the rest of us to bring our A game. Now go be funny.”

He flopped. Badly.

Honest, Hour, Pitch

“Jeff, I need you to be honest with me.”

“Joan, I’m an ad exec. Honesty is a very flexible thing in my business.”

“Yes Jeff, but you’re not currently trying to pitch me on the latest greatest thing. What I need to know is…”

“Oh seriously - we’re going there now? I’ve got the presentation of my life in an hour!”

“I’ve been trying to get you to commit for over two weeks!”

“Ok. Fine. It’s against my better judgement, but I’ll do it, God help me. Please tell your daughter I’ll attend her Career Day event.”

“Sober, right?”

*sigh* “Fine.”

Crest, Spin, Trunk

He told himself he was only out for a spin, a drive. But he knew better.

Hours later, Peter pulled into the driveway of an ancient mansion; a relic from a better time for his family. He was now the proud owner.

In the middle of the foyer sat a chest, complete with a carved family crest. Peter rubbed his hands together. “A treasure!”

A breeze blew in from outside; the chest dissolved into dust, which reformed into a human shape, a butler. In a dry whisper, “Welcome, sir. The staff will see to your needs during your prolonged stay.”

Regret, Superstition, Even

“Where’s Barney?”

“About that… on the street. Probably.”

“Probably?”

“Look, you know how he is…”

“Obsessive Compulsive.”

“Well… I think it’s just superstition. So I’m trying to break him of it.”

“George, what did you do?”

“I dropped him off at the corner, told him to walk to the door and let himself in.”

“You know that he won’t be able to do that.”

“No, I don’t. His superstition is that he has to count and end in an even number. ”

“And I’m the fifth door down. C’mon, dumbass, let’s go get him…”

“I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

Ceiling, Great, Justice

Reject my application to the Justice League just because my “look” isn’t in vogue, will you? Think Batman is all that with his black cowl and violent past? Think Superman, that pretty boy, is all that great? Wonder Woman, that token hero who supposedly proves there’s no glass ceiling, is she worthy of being there?

I’ll show ‘em. I’ll show them that a new brand of superheroes is up and coming, that the populace will accept new kinds of heroes into their midst.

I’m the Social Media Avenger, righter of wrongs that occur online. Villains! Be warned! I stand ready!

Bash, Future, Ideal

YouTube is full of gender reveal videos where expectant couples tell friends and family what gender is growing inside of mom. Is there any sort of video that is currently off limits but might, over time, become edgy, then run-of-the-mill?

What happens when mom only wants to know she’s having a healthy baby but dad wants to throw a big bash for the big reveal? At the baby’s first cry, the appropriately coloured confetti rains down on dozens of people crammed into the delivery room?

In my opinion, ideally, this type of video will have no future.

Tremble, Flip, Underground

In the underground home of the cave salamanders, a remarkable event occurred, one which changed the destiny of one small community.

It is said that in the world of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. And since cave salamanders are blind, the introduction of the cyclops salamander made it king.

Bowing and scraping, the blind would tremble at the passing of the one-eyed ruler, seeking only to curry favour.

Or so the cyclops thought.

What he didn’t know was that after the king passed by, his subjects would flip him off behind his back.

Nervy little bastards.

Crack, Simple, Merge

“Dr. Bartholomew, I understand you want to give a complete answer. I’m a simple man and I need simple solutions. So, in English please, what is the solution to the crack epidemic?”

“Governor Findley, I have spent over forty years meticulously studying the causes and effects of crack addiction within the population. There are, in whole or part, over twenty different agencies, non-profits, and other organizations working on the problem. It is a massive bureaucracy consuming millions of dollars per year. It’s not like you can say there’s one single solution…”

“Let’s merge all those agencies together. I’m brilliant!”

Extra, Hospital, Solid

“The numbers are solid. We have room to add departments and provide extra services to the populace.” Ken Wold, Chief Administrator for Bloomington General Hospital, pointed at the screen to highlight his point to the mayor.

“What sort of services are you suggesting?”, Mayor Dorffender asked.

“In light of the opioid epidemic, we can add a clinic to help addicts. We can also put in a diabetes clinic, complete with dialysis machines. And of course if you have any ideas, I’m happy to consider them.”

“And you’ll need funding?”

“The plan is capital intensive. Hopefully we can cut a deal.”

Kind, Chore, Effort

Leonard thought of himself as a parent who was going to lead his offspring to success and greatness. He’d moved to the ideal house (within a 500 mile radius) that would allow for getting into the best preschool, which would lead to the best kindergarten, and so on.

But Leonard was determined to take it one step further. When it came to doing chores, he was going to ensure his children did different kinds; variety would help expand horizons.

He planned to create maximized opportunities for his children. Now all he needed was to meet and marry the perfect wife.

Bow, Wipe, Tusk

Gosh it’s hot today. The water hole is nearby. Hopefully the hippos don’t hog it today.

Why do flies land in the corners of my eyes. My eyes aren’t water holes. I really want to wipe them away but my trunk isn’t flexible enough. And let’s not talk about my tusks - I can gore with the best of them but these flies…

Some folks can lick their own eyes. I’d love to be able to do that. I’d bow to the elephant that can do it. But no one can.

Maybe I can wash them out at the water hole.

Seizure, Excite, Iris

Iris had existed within a strict level of emotional control. Too little  stimulation could lead to debilitating depression, while too much could excite her into a seizure. The fear of deviating into either state itself put tremendous stress on her shoulders, pressing down so solidly that the line between the two unwanted conditions were so close together, she thought she might experience both at once.

Everything had changed the day she attended a free ballroom dancing lesson. Moving her body in tandem with a partner as the music flowed through and around her carried the cares of her world away.

Deep, Cute, Wheeze

It turned out I was there as my great-grandmother wheezed out her last words:

“Look hon, when you get to my age, not only do you not buy green bananas, but you buy them in ones and twos. It helps that the grocery store delivers. There’s that one cute delivery boy. Fifties maybe. If only I was fifty years younger…

“Oh grow up. Don’t give me that look - I may be old but I’m not dead.

“I don’t want to be buried deep underground. Fertilize my flowerbeds with my ashes.

“What time is it? And why’s it so cold…”

Agony, Product, Occupation

“Ok people, we’ve got a missing person who needs finding. Name: Richard Kellar, age 57, 5 - 7, 185 pounds, last seen at Jackson’s Bar wearing a blue parka. Let’s get a unit there, another to his home address. It’s a cold night, so let’s get on this. Questions?”

“Occupation?”

“Salesman. Sells various products. Apparently been selling vacuum cleaners lately. Anything else?”

“Maybe a drug deal that went south?”

“Could be, although there’s no evidence he’s dealing. Get a move on people - his family is in agony that he’s disappeared.

Two months later, his body was part of a crime scene.

Deal, Family, Green

Five crime families have been operating in New York City for decades: Gambino, Lucchese, Genovese, Bonanno, and Colombo. But in the last few years, another crime family has arisen with a very different raison d’être: not financial gain, but environmental protection.

A recent spate of edits and amendments to building projects adding parks and green spaces, alternative energy production, water conservation, and other resource saving ideas shows that the Green Family (as they are rumoured to be called), is using the old idea of “deals that can’t be refused” for beneficial purposes.

Law enforcement is divided on what to do.

Listen, Drill, Skyscraper

It was rumoured that the office in a certain skyscraper had a vault filled with priceless treasures. Some thought it was precious metals and jewels, others paper currency, and still others artworks. Julian’s curiosity drove him to find out.

Five years in the planning, his break-in had gone flawlessly so far. Now he had to get passed the huge vault door and for that he had the most advanced drill he could get his hands on. One ear listening for guards, he did his work quickly. And then it was open.

A grinning genie sat waiting. “What took ya?”

Home, Moss, Special

“I think you’ll agree the only way to appreciate this special property is by helicopter. It’s a series of buildings spread out over a 1,000 acre estate. As you can see, there are gardens, pools, and other landscaped features that connect the various buildings into a cohesive whole. For instance, that stretch of green over there is a rock and moss garden. Beautiful, isn’t it?

“As we land on the east helipad, notice the various ways to then move about the property: lazy river, bicycle, and electric cart.

“What’s that? It’s not an asking price - it’s the privilege to acquire…”

Net, Accord, Rust

Representatives from the United Planets were on the way to a meeting with the Rogue Worlds. Most of them were dubious that any progress would be made…

“Why is it we’re wasting our time chasing a deal with these irascible idiots?”

Spork, leader of the delegation (and unaware of the meaning of the word on Earth), said “We must brush off the rust on this relationship and find joint accord against the Cute Kittens (so dastardly that they’d call themselves that).”

Years later, the net effect of the meeting was to pit the Kittens against the Rogues. Spork retired happy.

Card, Cough, Cloud

Even the press event only added to the cloud that continued to envelope the upcoming fight. The two combatants, Talimbe and Prodoskevy, had harassed each other’s families, issued fake press releases under assumed names, and vandalized each other’s vehicles. To keep the peace, there were more security personnel than reporters. Every question caused both men to erupt into fake coughing fits in which they hurled insults at each other. Their card garnered more interest than the title match that capped the evening.

Before the fight, the two boxers met in private and congratulated each other for generating a big audience.

Chat, Worst, Peg

“Handyman Hotline on FM 101.6 with your buddy Randy taking calls. Who’s on the line and how can I humiliate you today?”

“Hey Randy. Yves here…”

“Eave? Like on a roof?”

“Ah… yeah. Anyway, I was putting together something and the peg got stuck…”

“Peg? Yves… are you building something from IKEA? Because you know I do not allow questions about IKEA products.”

“IKEA? Ah… no… not IKEA…”

“Yves, what’s the worst injury you’ve sustained in your workshop. C’mon bud. Let’s chat about that finger you nearly took off with a band saw.”

“Ah… I’ve gotta go! And it’s IKEA!”

Rotate, Disaster, Often

“There’s a small panel held with six screws. Over.”

“Spotted. Over.”

“Starting with the Robertson screw, remove them in a clockwise direction. Over.”

“Roger. Proceeding… Finished. Over.”

“Hold the plate keeping the red and green wires separate. Cut the blue wire. Over.”

“Roger. Blue wire spotted. Cutting. Over.”

“But first rotate the timing lever ninety degrees. Fuck! Hold on!”

“Holding. Damnit! Get this right, moron! If we screw up, it’ll be a disaster.”

“Sorry man. It’s written ‘do this but first do that’ way too often.”

“Deal with it. What direction do I rotate the lever?”

“Shit. It doesn’t say.”

Draw, Conquer, Performance

Timmy “Two-Tone” Timmons stood on the stage with the other contestants. His performance had been honed over weeks of practice and busking. He’d conquered, he’d slayed; the audience had gone wild. Now it was up to the judges.

The tension in the Newport High School auditorium was thick. Timmy couldn’t stop bouncing on his toes. Others on stage wrung hands, whispered with neighbours, or quietly prayed.

The squeal from the PA system brought everyone’s attention to the Head Judge. He tapped the mic, cleared his throat, and made the usual judge-like speech. Finally, he said, “It’s a draw!”

Shingle, Prospect, Multitude

Professionals, such as accountants and attorneys, when looking to become self-employed (as opposed to working for a firm), are said to “hang up their shingle”. Once someone has gone out on their own, they become responsible for determining their own client base. Doing a good job professionally can become something of a secondary issue. The primary job becomes getting a multitude of clients and doing a reasonable job for them.

The prospects for introverted professionals is dim; the desire to market and schmooze is below what is required.

Introverted former accountants (this one anyway) find writing is more ideal.

Detail, Present, Coup

“Hello dear. Tea?”

“Ah… sure…”

A man in an expensive suit, monogramed shirt, and Rolex, sat uncertainly at the dining room table. He took in the room, including the souvenir spoon collection. An aproned matron came in, carrying a tea service.

“Cream? Sugar?”

“Look, ma’am, I…”

“Sit and sip, Mr. Bullock. I know why you’re here. You’ve come to the right place.”

He looked doubtful. “I don’t mean to insult…”

She looked over her half-glasses. “Look. It’s very simple. The coup you want to win is all in the details. Let me present the plan. Oh… I’m sorry. Sandwich?”

Plant, Consider, Metal

Four long haired, denim clad, combat boot wearing twenty somethings sit in someone’s basement. From the wood paneling, it’s probably a parents’ basement. Maybe a grandparent.

They argue, three against one. But the majority doesn’t rule here. Maybe it’s his basement.

The meeting breaks up from time to time; the four gyrating their hair together to a “song”. It’s clear these four dream of becoming metal gods.

They have the look. Now they need music. Which, frankly, is secondary.

The “bassist” speaks: “Would you at least consider not naming the band after a potted plant?”

“What’s wrong with Atomic Petunias?”

Lamb, Bolster, Plume

Klaxons blared; a prisoner had escaped and was on the lamb. Armed guards swarmed through the hallways like ants under attack, but their chief, Colonel Brandeis, strolled to a watchtower. Lighting a cigarette, he scanned the area. The Warden, gasping for breath, joined him three minutes later.

“Warden Brown, nice of you to…”

“Are you sure about this, Colonel?”

Brandeis laughed. “I feel pretty good about…”

“It’s my ass if he gets out!”

The Warden got a pitying look. “You worry too much. Watch for the plume of smoke. The landmines we added to bolster security will be busy soon.”

Regard, Familiar, Prostrate

Diaphanous silks swirl as her dancing body undulates in ecstatic trance. The petitioner, crowned, refuses to prostrate himself. Attending priests mutter but don’t intervene.

Strange sounds erupt from the oracle, scribes taking notes. They translate:

A board

Aboard

Abort

Rage flashes across his face. “Tell that bitch her brother commands her obedience! I want victory!”

She collapses, attendants rush to her inert form. She whispers: “Tell that overly familiar dog that pride will be his ruin. He cannot command the future. And his regard, or disregard, of me has been noted by the gods. He shall reap what’s been sown.”

Whisk, Motion, Offer

“Mr. Chairman, I’d like to make a motion.”

Every other committee member’s head, all twelve of them, dropped.

“Steve? Really? It’s almost midnight. Can we just call it a night?”

“No! My constituents demand action on this issue and I am willing to fight until I get what I want!”

“How about I offer you five minutes to say your piece and then we table discussion until our next meeting. How’s that?”

“You just want to sweep this under the table! Whisked away! People want to know that garbage collection will happen late Sunday night and not early Monday morning!”

Doctor, Placard, Discriminate

The plan is complicated but thorough. I sit at the coffee shop window, sipping an espresso, waiting for the signal. There it is… a mohawk-sporting woman carrying a placard for gun control. Showtime.

I cross the street and join the crowd entering the subway. Descending the stairs, I avoid looking around; nothing is more suspicious than someone who appears to be looking for something. A doctor exiting the train bumps into me; a weight is added to my pocket. Feels like a 45.

Protection target acquired. Casual attitude adopted. Can I discriminate between innocent bystander and her potential assassin?

Administer, Harbour, Floor

Commercial #3:

Setting: Pirate ship. Captain is hollering at crew from a raised deck.

“And I want the floor glittering before we pull into the harbour!”

Pull back camera to a deckhand.

“Hi, I’m Franklin Doorstop, star of your favourite soap. Why am I here? To talk about your floors.

“Even here, on a ship in the middle of the ocean, the deck (not a floor, Cap) has to withstand salt and sun, which is way tougher than teenagers, am I right?

“Wood Bright is the treatment your floors need. Just administer per the instructions, and they’ll be swimmingly great!”

Explain, Itch, Jewel

I used to go to a place, a place of teaching and learning, of explaining and understanding. It was a life line, a necessity, a raison d’être. It’s called socratic.org and finding it was life changing for me.

There was this constant itch to go to the site, to find opportunities to explain the way I understand various concepts. Even better, I’d learn new concepts, like binomial probability distributions, partitions, and other topics. Learning something new was like finding a jewel. Even better, I’d learn how to make the jewel and share the formula with others.

I miss it.