Love On The Job

Photo by WORKSITE Ltd. on Unsplash

Prompts = Solemn, Unbeknownst, Canteen

The celebration lasted into the night; Jimmy, the new Oil Driller on site, and Cathy, the Head Chef, were married in a surprisingly solemn ceremony in the canteen off the main dining hall. The original plan of getting married offsite got scrubbed when both their contracts got extended by a month. Because they didn’t want to wait, the Site Manager agreed to officiate the wedding.

Being professionals, they were both up early for work next day, but both wore big smiles.

Unbeknownst to the newlyweds, the oil company bought them a two week’s stay at a 5-star Caribbean resort.

Black Bart's Brushes And The Law

Photo by Lians Jadan on Unsplash

Prompts = Retire, Brush, Enquire

Ching Ching; my spurs rang pure as I approached the house.

Bang Bang; my fist pounded on the door.

“Black Bart! You in there? I wanna talk to ya.”

After a minute, a voice called out. “What you want with me?”

“You know why I’m here, Bart!”

“I’m retired, Sheriff. I don’t do that anymore.”

“Bart! I done made my enquires. You’re the best at what you do. I wanna hire you for a job.”

“My brushes and the law… I don’t like it.”

“Just the same, Bart! I want you to paint the jail. All black, like last time.”

Maths Excitement

Photo by wu yi on Unsplash

Prompts = Happy, Birthday, Parz

‘Hi Daddy! You won’t believe what I learned from Parz today!’

‘He’s your math tutor, right?’

‘Yeah! Did you know you have to count the day you’re on when counting how many days to your birthday?’

‘Oh yeah?’

‘Two hundred thirteen! And we counted using days, then weeks, then months! It’s hard counting day-by-day.’

‘You spent your session counting?’

‘In mod seven! Do you know what that is?’

‘Are you learning that in school?’

‘No. They don’t teach cool stuff like that.’

‘I know you’re happy, poodle, but maybe we need someone who’ll teach in a standard way.’

The Reluctant Guru

Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

Prompts = Peak, Spirit, Tide

‘Time and tide wait for no man.’ I smile and hope he leaves.

I’ve been renting this little plot of land on top of a remote mountain peak for years, trying to put some distance between myself and humanity. But for some reason, instead of achieving privacy, I’ve won notoriety for being a spiritual guru!

I don’t understand it; I drink spirits and do talk to them (the ghostly kind, mostly after drinking), but I think it’s the obscure, impatient guidance I give that garners the most interest.

When not being interrupted, I’m able to binge watch Netflix while meditating.

They Came From Planet Kirk

Photo by ruddy.media on Unsplash

Prompts = Leader, Electricity, Outrage

‘Take me. To your. Leader.’

We came. From Planet Kirk. To bring. The White Flag. Of Peaceful Relations. To your backwater. Planet.

As anticipated. We were faced. With projectile weapons. That your. Armed forces. So value.

Calmly. We entered the field of battle. Using our advanced weaponry. Which manipulates electricity. And melted each and every. Projectile tube.

Shock and outrage. Were the only response. Your generals had.

Once with your politicians. They drove a hard bargain. For the nuclear waste. You have stored. Here. There. Everywhere.

We will give you used spaceships!

Foolish humans! Like stealing. Candy. From an infant!

Hunting For Conception

Photo by Louis Hansel @shotsoflouis on Unsplash

Prompts = University, Persist, Trying

I had an unusual experience the other night.

My friends and I went to a jazz club. They were off doing something while I sat guarding our stuff, nursing a scotch. That’s when she slid into the chair opposite me.

‘Do you know how hard it is to get into a top university?’, she asked.

I said I didn’t know. Given her age, she wasn’t asking for herself.

‘It boils down to the right genetic makeup. Persistence and trying aren’t enough!’

I figured she was off her meds.

‘Will you consent to give a blood sample?’

I called the bouncer.

Thieving Semantics

Photo by Dakota Roos on Unsplash

Prompts = Level, Steel, Steal

‘Look! Fucking… I don’t care what fucking thing you got in school…’

‘It was an A Level in English Literature.’

‘…but it’s fucking ridiculous for us to steal fucking steel! Right?’

Roger Caruthers got this a lot. Young, handsome, bright: at first glance he was a complete package, built for success, perhaps at a hedge fund. But here he was.

‘We’re not… We are going to misappropriate building materials, some of which we’ll sell back at a tidy profit, and the rest sold to other builders. We’re Robin Hood for the construction industry.’

‘Put that way, I’m in!’

‘How grand.’

The Well-Coifed Conman

Photo by Bhargava Marripati on Unsplash

Prompts = Mastermind, Blunder, Jeans

The uniform of a well-coifed conman targeting a bank need not be suit and tie. I know it well.

My first time, I figured I’d need to wear the perfect suit, well-shone shoes, a Rolex. As I know now, I was no mastermind then.

My plans went awry when I spilled my mocha on myself. A massive blunder on my part to indulge my java cravings.

Still having time before my appointment, I changed into a sport jacket and jeans; I could pretend I was so rich I didn’t need to dress the part.

It worked brilliantly.

Small Town Big News

Photo by Florencia Viadana on Unsplash

Prompts = Critical, Cranberry, False

‘Oh yes, I remember it. I covered that story. Still effects me; thirty years and it’s like it was yesterday.

‘Emma Schifflitt, who won the county faire’s baking blue ribbon every year, had her cranberry scone recipe stolen. Big news.

‘She claimed, in her hysteria, that she’d seen a foreign spy sneaking out of her kitchen late one night. False accusation, of course. In the light of day, her critical thinking kicked in. She figured, turns out rightly, that the thief would show up with her signature scones.

‘Her mom’s entry? Cranberry scones. And that, as they say, started it.’

Fish School and Current Events

Photo by Sebastian Pena Lambarri on Unsplash

Prompts = Surface, Current, Fair

There’s a joke, usually told to kids, about how fish must be smart because they swim in schools. What might they talk about when discussing current events?

‘Ok class, settle down. Gill? Marlin? Swim closer and join the group.

‘As you know, for the last few days, we’ve had free food sent down to us from the surface and perhaps coincidentally, a few students have mysteriously disappeared.”

‘Hey teach! Don’t know what you’re talking about! We’re totally avoiding this one supplier…’

‘Yes, but to be fair, avoiding one supplier in favour of the others isn’t smart.

‘Ok, class dismissed!’

Preparing To Die

Photo by Denis Oliveira on Unsplash

Prompts = Music, Brew, Execute

The decision was made not because I was arrested, but because someone needed to be blamed. I’m no saint, but nothing in my past should put a noose around my neck. The town wants to execute someone; I’m as good as any, I suppose.

Knowing my death is inevitable on the morrow and being roundly ignored by the guards, music is an escape. I can hear the piano player in the local tavern over the drunken laughter inside. I can even imagine drinking a brew or three; simple pleasures are all I have left.

It helps to believe in reincarnation.

To Bed With No Dinner

Photo by Aaron Thomas on Unsplash

Prompts = Sauce, State, Quintessential

I look over to make sure the soup is gently boiling while focusing on the onions caramelizing in the skillet; they’re approaching perfection. On another burner is the wine reduction sauce for the pork tenderloin. Speaking of wine, I’ve been helping myself to a table red while preparing this lovely meal (my “inspiration” bottle) while another, an expensive cabernet, is breathing.

*****

I’m hot and tired, the kitchen is in a state of quintessential mess (there’s a mountain in my sink), and I’m tipsy from helping myself to that cab after the table red was gone.

Crap.

I’m going to bed.

Ambiguous Wandering

Photo by Sébastien Goldberg on Unsplash

Prompts = Ambiguous, Destination, Philanthropic

It’s said that if you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there. I don’t know what my final destination is, but this particular road will get me to Richardsonville. And beyond, I suppose.

Traveling by car was never part of the plan. Not that I’m deliberately hiking trails or bushwhacking; I’m wandering ambiguously and oftentimes going by foot is the only way forward.

I have no money but don’t look for charity; I get by on my own. However, if someone wants to practice their philanthropy, I don’t mind; hot food and soft beds are nice.

Taking Care of the Porsche

Photo by Valdemaras Januška on Unsplash

Prompts = Withhold, Transmission, Advisor

Hello, you must be Mrs. Ethel McSqueak. Welcome to Friendly Car Care. I’m Brad, your Maintenance Advisor.

I see this is the first visit for both you and your car. I see a station wagon in the lot. Is that your car? No? It’s the Porsche behind it? Ok then…

What brings you here today? Oil change? Great. Can I suggest a full maintenance check, including a change of transmission fluid? Great. You are going to make a mechanic very happy.

I swear we won’t withhold any care or courtesy to your vehicle. It’ll be pampered.

It’ll be ready tomorrow.

Medieval Emergency Response Centre

Photo by Sean Thomas on Unsplash

Prompts = Contact, Dragon, None

‘Thank you for that kind introduction, King Bulbous, and greetings to you, the Kingdom’s Emergency Response Centre staff. I am Dragon Slayer Master Richardson and will be taking over from the recently deceased Master, rest his soul and crispy body.

‘So far, violence has only gotten us more violence and no progress. I intend to make contact tomorrow in order to engage in a peaceful dialogue.

‘In case that sounds like capitulation, please know there is no intent, absolutely none, to make this monster’s presence the new normal.

‘But for now, this is how we’ll proceed.

‘Let’s get to work!’

Love Trumps Google

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

Prompts = Obstinate, Superlative, Syndrome

You know those parents who hate helping their kids with math because they aren’t good at it? I’m not that parent.

I am the parent, however, who is less than helpful with English assignments.

‘Dad? What’s the superlative of “obstinate”’?

I had no idea then and even after looking it up, I have no idea now. I suggested she turn to Google.

Is it love, laziness, or perhaps a kind of syndrome that she feels the need to ask me before typing a few keystrokes and hitting enter?

I’ll take it as love and not ask too many questions.

Help Line

Photo by Icons8 Team on Unsplash

Prompts = Sink, Celebrity, Verify

Hello, Apple help line, Valerie speaking, how can I help you today?

Uh huh

Mmm hmmm

Yup yup

Ok sir, I understand you’re upset, but I do need to start with verifying your identity.

Uh huh

Mmm hmmm

Yup yup

Ok sir, I understand you’re some sort of celebrity on YouTube, but I do need your Apple ID please.

Uh huh

Mmm hmmm

Yup yup

Ok sir, I understand that you feel I’m not being helpful so far and that you’ll make a video with the express purpose of sinking my customer service rating, but I do need you to…