Isn't This House Safe? + The Stand-In (2 Fer Tuesday)

Prompts = Agency, Role, Authorize

Story 1 — Isn’t This House Safe?

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

There was a series of knocks at the door.

‘Mike. Can you get that?’

Then it repeated.

‘Mike!’

It repeated again, harder and faster.

She threw down her cooking mitts and stomped to the door. ‘Yeah?’

A young man in sunglasses spoke quickly and quietly. ‘Zebras are confused horses.’

She stared at him. ‘What?’

‘Zebras are… you have no idea what I’m talking about, do you? Look, I’m not authorized to say I’m with The Agency, but isn’t this the safe house?’

‘No. But there’s a guy waving madly at the house across the street. Maybe you want that one.’

Story 2 — The Stand-In

 

Photo by Victoria Quirk on Unsplash

Raymond threw open the theatre doors theatrically, pausing in the doorway to maximize his presence. He took a deep breath in, then released. ‘I love the smell of Broadway.’

The actors on stage and the smattering of people in seats all turned to look as he strode confidently down the aisle. ‘My name is Raymond Peale from the Broadway Players agency, and I’m here to stand in for the role of Postman #2, the misunderstood and frankly slightly deviant deliverer of mail to Apartment Block C.’

A producer stood up. ‘Who authorized this?’

A hand rose slowly, tentatively.

‘You’re fired.’

Links to other sites where I publish:

Blogger = https://onehundredwordsbyparz.blogspot.com
Medium = https://medium.com/100-word-or-less-stories
YouTube = https://www.youtube.com/user/parzivalsattva

And a link to where my Lovely Lady Love (who also operates the camera) posts her art: https://www.youtube.com/user/recyclinggoddess

Which Book?

 Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash

Prompts = Reminder, Read, Specific

‘Have you read that book yet?’

‘Sorry. What book?’

‘You know! That book!’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. Sorry to disappoint.’

‘Come on! It’s, you know, about yay size and yay thick.’

‘Not helping. Perhaps a reminder what it’s about?’

‘How can you not remember?!? It’s about that guy and he goes and does all this really cool stuff.’

‘Maybe you can be a bit more specific?’

‘Well, yeah. There’s that car chase and…’

‘A car chase? Are we talking a book or a movie?’

‘I saw the movie but I want to know how the book’s different.’

Links to other sites where I publish:

Blogger = https://onehundredwordsbyparz.blogspot.com
Medium = https://medium.com/100-word-or-less-stories
YouTube = https://www.youtube.com/user/parzivalsattva

And a link to where my Lovely Lady Love (who also operates the camera) posts her art: https://www.youtube.com/user/recyclinggoddess

The Great Outdoors. Within Limits.

 Photo by Jesper Ericsson on Unsplash

Prompts = Lawn, Guitar, Drab

On a lazy summer afternoon I sat next to a bubbling stream away from everything, enjoying the gentle sounds of Nature. If this were a different time, I’d be a recluse living off the land in my drab workaday overalls. No lawn care or auto maintenance, no fences keeping me in or the wilderness out. Not even, like some people have, a guitar; let the wind in the trees, the birds, the bees, the gurgling of water be my symphony.

But not the whine of mosquitos.

Really, anything that bites.

And I’d like running water; long hot showers are vital.

Links to other sites where I publish:

Blogger = https://onehundredwordsbyparz.blogspot.com
Medium = https://medium.com/100-word-or-less-stories
YouTube = https://www.youtube.com/user/parzivalsattva

And a link to where my Lovely Lady Love (who also operates the camera) posts her art: https://www.youtube.com/user/recyclinggoddess

Wax Mountain

 Photo by nrd on Unsplash

Prompts = Interesting, Permanent, Behemoth

There are countless tourist attractions along this country’s highways and byways. The giant chairs are interesting, as are the large garden gnomes, balls of twine, and frying pans.

But there’s something I ran into that makes all of those minuscule — a behemoth of candle wax. It continues to grow as people around the world send their candle remains; it’s currently the size of a small mountain. Hot days are a challenge as it morphs and melts and spreads. A retaining wall is planned as a permanent maintenance solution but right now consists of a large auger and several massive wicks.

Links to other sites where I publish:

Blogger = https://onehundredwordsbyparz.blogspot.com
Medium = https://medium.com/100-word-or-less-stories
YouTube = https://www.youtube.com/user/parzivalsattva

And a link to where my Lovely Lady Love (who also operates the camera) posts her art: https://www.youtube.com/user/recyclinggoddess

Deep In The Throes Of Cramping (singing the IBS blues) (sung to the tune Deep In The Heart Of Texas)

Photo by Quinton Coetzee on Unsplash

Prompts = Next, Sit, Hall

I don’t feel great

Something I ate?

Start looking for the toilet

A giant hall

With just one stall

Cramping and pouring sweat

I’m not fine

With this line

Clenching my teeth and rocking

There were nine

Now next in line

Planning my porcelain docking

Finally I sit

Time to *bleep*

It’s time to get things flowing

But a slow start

With one small fart

Can’t get my body going

Did I pass out?

There’s knocking without

Knock knock knock knock

‘Come out the party’s over’

‘Just a sec!’

I’m still a wreck

Won’t leave until tomorrow

Links to other sites where I publish:

Blogger = https://onehundredwordsbyparz.blogspot.com
Medium = https://medium.com/100-word-or-less-stories
YouTube = https://www.youtube.com/user/parzivalsattva

And a link to where my Lovely Lady Love (who also operates the camera) posts her art: https://www.youtube.com/user/recyclinggoddess

The Bird Bath And Bar + untitled (Throwback Thursday)

Prompts = Forever, Flight, Feathers

Story New — The Bird Bath And Bar

Photo by Fábio Hanashiro on Unsplash

“I just flew in from Orlando and boy are my wings tired!” Cue rim shot.

The number of flamingos who attend open mic night, drunk on fermented crustacean, thinking that line’s hilarious, it’s… it’s a lot.

I try to have a thick layer of feathers about it but there’s only so much a poor bird’s brain can take. Forever ago I tried poetry night; that went over like a flight of penguins. So it’s this and hen’s night (no chicks) that keeps this dump afloat on a constantly changing thermal.

But it could be worse; vulture food orders are disgusting.

Story Old — untitled

 Photo by Octav Cado on Unsplash

The seat’s uncomfortable. I wanna move and swing my legs and see if I can touch the seat ahead of me but mom keeps putting her hand on my legs.

I’m bored.

This is taking FOREVER!

Dad kept trying to say that this would be fun. We’ll ride on an airplane he said. I said that it’s called a flight. I guess I’m also precocious, whatever that is.

I wanna skip rope or run or do anything other than SIT HERE!

There are two feathers sticking out of Mr. Bun. Maybe I’ll tickle the baby with them.

BORED!!!

Links to other sites where I publish:

Blogger = https://onehundredwordsbyparz.blogspot.com
Medium = https://medium.com/100-word-or-less-stories
YouTube = https://www.youtube.com/user/parzivalsattva

And a link to where my Lovely Lady Love (who also operates the camera) posts her art: https://www.youtube.com/user/recyclinggoddess

Don't Forget The Mothballs

 Photo by Rutuja L on Unsplash

Prompts = Statute, Hunger, Velvet

‘Hey! You there! What are you doing?’

‘Mmmph?’

‘Your nest is in those nylon slacks. This velvet shirt is reserved, by statute, for privileged clothes moths.’

‘But we’re starving over there! We weren’t meant to eat synthetic fibres!’

‘There is plenty of food where you’re supposed to be. And whatever you might think of it, is it not said that “hunger makes the best sauce”?

‘What if I just nibble on the collar?’

‘Absolutely not!’

‘Well, I’m not going back!’

‘You don’t have to. You just can’t stay here.’

‘So those leather chaps…?’

‘Dig in with relish.’

‘Relish! Great idea.’

Links to other sites where I publish:

Blogger = https://onehundredwordsbyparz.blogspot.com
Medium = https://medium.com/100-word-or-less-stories
YouTube = https://www.youtube.com/user/parzivalsattva

And a link to where my Lovely Lady Love (who also operates the camera) posts her art: https://www.youtube.com/user/recyclinggoddess

Elven Rubbish + Apple Pie Travesty

Prompts = Loud, Dig, Rainbow

Story 1 — Elven Rubbish

Photo by Karson on Unsplash

“There’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.” What rot. But it gained traction and now we have to deal with incalculable greed digging holes all over God’s green earth looking for it.

But I suppose it’s just desserts for the small bribe we paid an advertising executive to turn the noble race of elves into tree-habituating bakers of cookies.

Speaking of the elves, don’t believe all that rubbish in the Lord Of The Rings. T’was leprechauns that were the heroes in that story; a loud fart did more than all Elvendom combined to defeat Sauron!

****

Story 2 — Apple Pie Travesty

 Photo by Food Photographer David Fedulov on Unsplash

‘I’m Julie and this is Cooking With Julie on Savanah, Georgia Public Access TV. Before taking viewer questions, here’s something that happened yesterday.

‘I stepped into my kitchen and I found Earl, my brother-in-law, big bear of a man, you’ll see, digging into a fresh apple pie that had been dessert before he mauled it. Well, I startled him and his hand slipped into hot filling and oh Lord the torrential rainbow of loud profanity that spewed forth. Appalling!

‘Anyway, as penance he put on an apron and is joining us today.

‘Hello caller! Say “hello” Earl.’

‘Hello.’

Links to other sites where I publish:

Blogger = https://onehundredwordsbyparz.blogspot.com
Medium = https://medium.com/100-word-or-less-stories
YouTube = https://www.youtube.com/user/parzivalsattva

And a link to where my Lovely Lady Love (who also operates the camera) posts her art: https://www.youtube.com/user/recyclinggoddess

Household Item Wrangler Talks Power Tools

Photo by Sven Brandsma on Unsplash

Prompts = Saw, Plastic, Sticky

‘G’day. Today I’d like to talk about some of the most dangerous items you can possibly have in your home: power tools. While bad things can happen in irresponsible hands, it’s their risky behaviour when no one’s watching where things can get sticky.

‘As you might expect, the more metal, the meaner that machine can be; plastic is like a “kick me” sign.

‘That said, plastic on them or no, saws of all stripes are king in this jungle. If you come bearing gifts to your workshop, the choice cuts should go to the saws.

‘Household Item Wrangler, signing off.’

Links to other sites where I publish:

Blogger = https://onehundredwordsbyparz.blogspot.com
Medium = https://medium.com/100-word-or-less-stories
YouTube = https://www.youtube.com/user/parzivalsattva

And a link to where my Lovely Lady Love (who also operates the camera) posts her art: https://www.youtube.com/user/recyclinggoddess

Almost A King

 Photo by Sam Carter on Unsplash

Prompts = Figure, Know, Lake

I was rowing across a Scottish lake towards my campsite. But during the crossing, I spotted a submerged figure.

I know it sounds farfetched, but at first I thought it was Nessie. As I got closer, it looked less like a water serpent and more like a woman dressed in gossamer. It had to be the Lady Of The Lake. From her hand the sword Excalibur will be handed to me, making me ruler of all England!

I stood up, struck a regal pose, and surveyed my lands. And then fell overboard.

I guess clumsy boaters aren’t worthy to rule.

Links to other sites where I publish:

Blogger = https://onehundredwordsbyparz.blogspot.com
Medium = https://medium.com/100-word-or-less-stories
YouTube = https://www.youtube.com/user/parzivalsattva

And a link to where my Lovely Lady Love (who also operates the camera) posts her art: https://www.youtube.com/user/recyclinggoddess

Not A Feverish Dream

 

Photo by Gelani Banks on Unsplash

Prompts = Shadow, Knob, Nose

It was like a feverish dream, but I swear it was real.

I awoke to a sensation of dread, of being watched. I ran, nightclothes billowing, into the streets. A shadow followed.

Alas! a dead end, lost, hopeless, my pursuer close. A desperate search revealed a knob screwed into the wall. I grabbed and turned, hoping to open a door, but all I got was a yelp, ‘Careful! T’is me nose!’

I jumped back. ‘My pardon, sir! But something chases me.’

Two large eyes squinted down. ‘Then enter’, and I fell through a portal but landed softly, awake in bed.

Links to other sites where I publish:

Blogger = https://onehundredwordsbyparz.blogspot.com
Medium = https://medium.com/100-word-or-less-stories
YouTube = https://www.youtube.com/user/parzivalsattva

And a link to where my Lovely Lady Love (who also operates the camera) posts her art: https://www.youtube.com/user/recyclinggoddess

Mistakes Within Chaos

 

Photo by Daniele Levis Pelusi on Unsplash

Prompts = Radiate, Topical, Tile

In the foyer of this immense mansion I was hired to install an esoteric tile mosaic: different centre points with spokes and arms and curves that radiate out and intersect each other. It was like an art installation, a bloody complicated one.

Working on the floor is hard on the body and reading plans hard on the mind, and so I started reaching for topical painkillers (especially for my back and knees) and more liquid stress relievers (fifty proof) for the raging headache.

Did I make mistakes? Probably. Not that anyone will be able to tell within that deliberate eyesore!

Links to other sites where I publish:

Blogger = https://onehundredwordsbyparz.blogspot.com
Medium = https://medium.com/100-word-or-less-stories
YouTube = https://www.youtube.com/user/parzivalsattva

And a link to where my Lovely Lady Love (who also operates the camera) posts her art: https://www.youtube.com/user/recyclinggoddess